(verb) to make known, especially in spoken or written words
Telling my parents I deal with same-sex-attraction about 14 months ago was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had no idea how they would react and all the years of shame and hiding was finally going to be revealed. I shouldn’t have worried so much, they were upset and shocked, but on the whole okay. It made me wish I told them way back when I was 12.
The best thing about them knowing is that I don’t feel like I’m hiding or that there is some big secret they might discover one day, and Mum doesn’t mention marriage and grandchildren as she used to do with annoying regularity. Occasionally they awkwardly ask me how I’m going. Actually only Mum does and Dad doesn’t mention it unless Mum is already talking about it. The conversations go a little bit like this: Mum: so how’s that thing you go to that place for going? Chris: Arrrh yes that thing I go to that place for well…
Telling some friends was also hard. And again it has been helpful to feel like I’m not hiding stuff and to remove any expectation that I should get a girlfriend next week. When I move and I meet new people there may be even more people who I get to know so well that I need to tell them. I’m not sure if a ‘desire’ to tell always becomes a ‘need’ to tell and I’ve seen people who have possibly erred on the side of over disclosure perhaps creating for themselves a cement label.
Anyway being a 21-year-old Christian I’m all for authenticity and realness and broken people walking down narrow yellow brick roads holding hands. But I’m a lot happier if it is someone else’s realness on display. If I’m listening to another tell me about all the dirt beneath the surface. I’m not quite sure why I dislike disclosure so much; maybe it is pride or selfishness or maybe I’m just scared of rejection or worse fearful that I can’t play the victim this time. Whatever, it’s definitely something to for me to work on.