Tell

(verb) to make known, especially in spoken or written words

 

Telling my parents I deal with same-sex-attraction about 14 months ago was one of the hardest things I have ever done. I had no idea how they would react and all the years of shame and hiding was finally going to be revealed. I shouldn’t have worried so much, they were upset and shocked, but on the whole okay. It made me wish I told them way back when I was 12.

 

The best thing about them knowing is that I don’t feel like I’m hiding or that there is some big secret they might discover one day, and Mum doesn’t mention marriage and grandchildren as she used to do with annoying regularity. Occasionally they awkwardly ask me how I’m going. Actually only Mum does and Dad doesn’t mention it unless Mum is already talking about it. The conversations go a little bit like this: Mum: so how’s that thing you go to that place for going? Chris: Arrrh yes that thing I go to that place for well…

 

Telling some friends was also hard. And again it has been helpful to feel like I’m not hiding stuff and to remove any expectation that I should get a girlfriend next week. When I move and I meet new people there may be even more people who I get to know so well that I need to tell them. I’m not sure if a ‘desire’ to tell always becomes a ‘need’ to tell and I’ve seen people who have possibly erred on the side of over disclosure perhaps creating for themselves a cement label.

 

Anyway being a 21-year-old Christian I’m all for authenticity and realness and broken people walking down narrow yellow brick roads holding hands. But I’m a lot happier if it is someone else’s realness on display. If I’m listening to another tell me about all the dirt beneath the surface. I’m not quite sure why I dislike disclosure so much; maybe it is pride or selfishness or maybe I’m just scared of rejection or worse fearful that I can’t play the victim this time. Whatever, it’s definitely something to for me to work on.

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Tell

  1. Welcome to the Blogring bro!  God bless you.
    Always,
          J. Green

  2. It might have something to do with so desperately wanting others to think well of you…that you really can handle life…that you really aren’t as bad off (note:  I didn’t say ‘bad’, I said, “bad off”) as you might think you are.  Yet, in truth Chris, that must die off…healing will only be found in authentic relationships where you can be yourself and others are allowed to see the real you. 
    …So many, in fact most, gay men are always POSING…trying to impress with their clothes, their bodies, their homes….but to what end?  They realize, somewhere along the way, that the acceptance they seemed to have found is only conditional in the end.  How sad to be 60 years old realizing that no one is impressed with your looks anymore.  How sad to be retired realizing that other gay men aren’t impressed with your career path anymore.  How truly sad it is for those men when life STRIPS away all the facades leaving a behind a scared little boy in the body of a 60 year old man. 
    ….No…that is not the way for you….ruthless authenticity, selflessly serving others, a passionate love of Jesus and others…these are the things that will only serve you better with each passing year and will enrich your life far, far beyond what you ever dreamed possible. 
    My heart and prayers are with you….
    All my best in the Master’s care,
    Casey Bennett

  3. hard to say. it all depends who decides to run.senator brownback is really conservative, but i dunno if he’d get much support. Gov. Mike Huckabee could run..i think he’s fairly conservative. i don’t see any real strong conservative candidates as of yet.

  4. I Like what Casey said.   Better to be open even overly open and get a “concrete label” as you say, but that’s the standard to which I hold myself.   I’m twice your age and have seen through all the posing and impressing.   I’m coming to care only that the Church take up strugglers and love them toward Christ.    Having said all that take your time revealing your deepest parts.  There are some people who won’t handle your secret, so why put yourself in harms way.   Some of those people you tell will continue to love you, challenge you on in Christ, and will support you when you need it.  So reveal yourself, but take it slow until you’ve got a good base of people who will love and support you, and then you don’t have to care what the others think of you.
    RYC:  Thanks for the well wishes!
    Lonnie

  5. “Coming out” from the SSA closet does wonders for your spirit!!! Welcome to the pathway of truth. You’ve got my support, and I’m very glad that you did it.
    It may not be an easy path at times, but it’s worth the destination.
    Take care and God bless. Traveler

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s