(adverb) in an honest way
So where am I at with SSA right now? Well I guess I would describe it as knowing the right things to do and knowing the wrong things not to do but not being particularly diligent in the doing and the not doing. So that is really a convoluted way of saying, I’m disobeying in the small things, (as compared to big things not small as in unimportant) such as masturbation, eye wandering, and making a bigger effort to expand social boundaries.
This bad period probably began about 8 weeks or so ago when I started feeling distant from God and then I just started doing these things again. And still feeling distant I haven’t really motivated myself to stop. This kind of talk it crazy coming from me in a way, I’m often pretty cautious of giving too much weight to feelings when they contradict truth.
I was reading this article by a dead guy yesterday. He basically said one of the mistakes young men make is they (I) think they can serve our lusts and pleasures in the beginning and then serve God with ease later.
Anyway I know this can’t go on. I’ve already wasted 8 weeks, in which I could have experienced victory and built stronger foundations through a tough time. I had my SSA group the other night and it was kinda like a kick in the butt. When we were getting prayed for someone got a word and basically said where I’m at right now and I’d only met him that night so he couldn’t have known. That’s like the first time I have ever had that happen. So here’s to fighting and staying the course and persisting and all those hard things in the isolated hour.