Quiet

(adverb) with little or no sound, not loud or noisy

 

I’m a quiet person. I don’t talk heaps and can’t think of lots of things to say. I’m an introvert so I don’t mind spending time by myself, and large groups of people I don’t know make me really uncomfortable. This is probably the part of myself that I most dislike, that I am awkward in conversation and uncomfortable in large groups and just quiet. Positively I’m not as quiet as I used to be, partly because starting uni forced me to push myself out of my comfort zone and I’m pretty good with one on one conversations.

 

I hate that feeling of being in a large group and standing by myself and wishing I knew someone well enough to spend the night hanging around or that someone would come up and save me from my standing alone. I guess I feel people are judging me cause I have sub-standard social skills or, worse, they are pitying me for the same reason. (As a former psych student I know they probably aren’t even thinking about me but that doesn’t make the moment any easier). This standing alone in large groups doesn’t really happen very often I try not to get into too many of these situations and because I don’t go too well in these situations I don’t get to go to heaps more.

 

Part of the problem it takes me longer to build relationships, so I have to put myself into these types of situations for longer. And then I can get more comfortable with people and be more open and make friends. Uni was pretty much a social disaster for me, I made some friends. But it took a long time especially when I didn’t see people that much. Like in high school you spend so much time with the same people you can get to know them and they can get to know you and for an introvert like me all that time is important. But despite this I’ve got some good friends that I am really thankful for.

 

Because of these things I always dreads new places and new people because I know I’m going to have to start from the beginning again. And there are new people to wonder why I don’t say so much or don’t say much that makes sense. Anyway it’s an extrovert’s world out there, but I’m doing the best I can, most of the time.

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4 thoughts on “Quiet

  1. Ouch bro…it’s frustrating that the thing we really need the most (intimate male friendships) are soooooo hard to develop, which is why homosexuality is such a great temptation…it’s a powerful SHORTCUT to intimacy that kinda starts the process off in reverse….”let’s do an intimate thing so maybe someday we can be intimate with each other…”…make sense. BTW….I can TOTALLY relate to your comments because making new friendships are very hard for me….I’m putting myself out there…going hiking tomorrow (Saturday) with some guys I’ve never met and, as far as I know, don’t struggle with SSA….most don’t know I struggle and are shocked to find out I do…but still, inside, I feel I don’t fit in and the stress builds. Well, you get the point…I really appreciate being able to see parts of your heart in your blog. Keep up the writing……..and, oh yeah, if you happen across a ton of money, come to the Exodus conference in Los Angeles this June….!!!!!All my best bro!!!!

  2. You know what?   I wish someone had told me long ago that it’s alright to be the way that I am right now.    Yeah there are always things God wants to change in us, but He accepts us where we are, and loves us.   I’m an extrovert and I have difficulty with crowds.   I can be in front of thousands of people speaking, but I hate being in the midst of a crowd.    The only time crowds don’t bother me is when I’ve got my own crowd of friends and family.    If you have to be in crowds take a few friends with you.   
    Hang in there bro!
    Lonnie

  3. Wow, I know exactly how you feel. But take heart in knowing that you really aren’t alone in feeling this way. I don’t know, somehow it makes me feel good to know that there are others out there that are kinda like me too. :PGod Bless,-Richard. 🙂

  4. Its great to hear you share from the heart bud.
    I know that psychologically people can deal with inferior thoughts that build up, especially in a big group. As you were saying people may be talking about you as you stand alone. Yet, really its just mind games, you are right when you say that most people would care less. Rather, since you’ve been at the Uni, have you tried to get “out of your comfort-zone” in the sense of doing something in an “outgoing” manner? Such as, meeting a random person and sparking a conversation?
    I’m sure its something you have thought over, but do you think its something that hinders any part of your relationship with God, with others.
    I’ve found that I may be an outgoing individual, but when I meet new people within the first minutes of introduction up to hmm… 15-30 mins I’m really nervous…weird, isn’t it. But most effectively I have these problems in sharing my faith with others…if I find it nervous at all in the “opening” of communication than how will I ever begin to share my faith with anyone?
    Where do you find this in your life, is it a struggle to share your faith too?
    Talk to you soon!
    Your friend,
    Jared

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