“Where did I go wrong?” How to Save a Life – The Fray.
About eight months ago I was probably a totally different person in some areas of my life. I was into the Bible, liked to read about Christian thinking, was fighting sin hard in my life and being lax in my studies. Now I’m not into my Bible, not heaps interested in Christian thinking and not fighting sin hard in my life. And I’m not totally sure why.
I guess part of me wants there to be something so dramatic that it helps soothe my conscience or a day I can point to as where I went off the rails. I can still remember sitting on the porch at the support group thing I was in doing this accountability thing and being up to about 50 days masturbation and porn free. And then the next night or so I fell and here I am. Though at the time I was aware of creeping feelings of distance from God and a new job that was taking up thoughts and mental energy I hadn’t used before.
Now I’m trying to fight again and it’s hard. Six months of stupidity takes it’s toll and it’s not as easy to say ‘no’ now, then it was when I had been fighting full on for a while. I was lying in bed last night trying to find some reason, some issue I haven’t been dealing with that caused my fall. And honestly it probably isn’t there. It’s possibly more about the modern need for excitement, big events and melodrama then taking the long and slow walk and obedience. I guess it’s a good illustration of 1 Cointhians 12:10 “Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall”.