Ask

IN early September there is a weekend ‘retreat’ for young men dealing with Same Sex Attraction (or whatever is the correct evangelical term for it). I have the four page application form, which right near the top says you (I) must tell and a parent/pastor you’re (I’m) going to the ‘retreat,’ so they can pray for you (me). There’s also a space left for a phone number so the organisers can contact someone to check on my suitability to attend.

 

I’m at my parents for this weekend, and just before I was going to ask them to be praying and to get approval to put their number on the form. Then I felt my stomach tighten and the nerves increase and I thought, ‘maybe I should ask them later’ and left it. The thing is they know about my issues and all that. They would probably (well, almost certainly) be willing to pray or whatever. But I guess that’s not the cause of my reluctance. Argh.

 

So why? Well, maybe, disappointment in myself for my laziness in the battle. Maybe I still feel ashamed that part of me isn’t the way it should be, which I think is definitely something that affects my dealings more with my parents than others. For example a mate, my age, asked me on Monday if I ‘liked women’ yet and I was comfortable giving him an honest and informative answer. Maybe I don’t want any awkward questions asked in the weirdest ways. (How are you going with that thing that you go to that place for?)

 

It’s another uncomfortable reminder that I’m not entirely comfortable with that fact that this is where I am; this (SSA) is what I need to deal with. I could go a week, a month, without seriously considering it, but the times I do, especially in relation to other people, makes me go weird. Anyway I’ll ask them sometime.

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5 thoughts on “Ask

  1. i have been in that position many times with my parents– and i don’t really know why.just wanted to let you know that i will be praying for you– as you prepare and are faced with the oh so lovely challenges of life :)be blessed^AnDy

  2. I’ll pray for you, too, bro.  I know the feeling with telling others, including parents.  Sometimes you just don’t want them to be so concerned, other times you want them to know and empathize with you.  Just pray each time before you talk to someone, and let the Lord guide you, then trust him with the results.I hope the retreat is a good experience for you.  The more tools we can develop to help us in our walk with the Lord. the better.

  3. Is this like a journey into manhood (only Christian) type of thing?

  4. Parents are tough, and that’s the way it is for all of us.   I’m continually amazed at how the people we should feel safest with, are more often not.   What does this say about family and relationship in our lives?   Have you thought about speaking to one parent at a time?   Keep it simple, short, too the point, and do it right before you leave to go back to your place.   I’ve found it’s always easier to deal with these things one small bite at a time.   Does that make sense?I prefer Gender Identity Confusion over SSA.   It points to the real root of the problem.   SSA is a result or fruit of Gender Identity Confusion.   Also when you deal with the root of the problem rather than the symptoms you may just discover your laziness begins to ebb.BP

  5. I’ll be praying for you. Keep on the journey though. Don’t think you have to just be better one day (even though you may get the questions), I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work like that, haha. I hope you have a great time on the retreat though.

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