Call

SELF pity calls to me. I wake up early and get ready for work and feel fine. Then it’s 11am and I’ve spent a couple of hours in a stuffy, overly warm office in front of a computer and I feel lethargic and sluggish (yes I know those words mean the same thing). Then self-pity calls to me. It says, ‘Chris you deserve better than this’. And the spiral begins and by 1pm it’s a drudge just to do any work and 5pm is still FOUR WHOLE HOURS away. Argh.

 

So I want someone to like me, and rationally they do I guess, but I feel like I want more respect or something.  Self-pity calls to me. Then I’m like, ‘Aha well if they don’t like me; I’ll make them hate me’. And get an attitude and want to act stand offish. Later I think, ‘well if I want them to like me why don’t I try to get them to like me? And talk heaps, tell stories, make jokes, work hard etc’. But I remember the new kid at school in Grade 6 who wanted to be liked too much and his desperation just got him labeled as weird and insecure. So I just try to act myself, be normal yada yada, but I wish it felt normal to act normal

 

I know that self pity is irrational, childish and I say, ‘Chris snap out of it’. But I still feel exactly the same way afterwards. So I don’t snap out of it. Then it’s 5pm and I go home. The air is fresh and cool and beautiful. I go on a decent bike ride and when I return I eat good food. But, someday soon, self-pity will call to me again.

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5 thoughts on “Call

  1. hey. Question Mr. Journalism major…hehehehehehehee…..if I sent youmy stuff…say…occasionally…via email….would you be willing toHONESTLY critique it.  All of it will eventually be self publishedthrough lulu.com, given that the market for devotional guides for thosefacing homosexuality is better zero and none.  However, I do want it tobe the best I can do.  My wife is a freelance proofreader and isBRUTALLY good at her job…but she’s not a writer, not an editor. Look, if it sucks, I want to know that it sucks.  Fair?

  2. @StayingTheCourse – Hey Casey, yeah i’d be happy to HONESTLY critique your stuff, if you want. Though news writing is pretty different to a devotional, and obviously a lot of things about writing style is personal preference, but I could raise points and stuff. Chris

  3. I have way too much self-pity myself and can relate to you.  I need to find a hobby.  A bike would be nice.  I just need to find a park to ride it at.  A good bike path just to enjoy the wind on my face.  I haven’t had a bike since high school. 

  4. Yep, I can relate.   It helps if you know what your strengths and weaknesses are.  I’ve found it also helps when you realize you’re starting a pity party to pray…yeah that’s right pray…not out loud, but something along the lines of “Lord, You know me, what do I need to do in this situation.”   Keep praying this, each time…this is not just a one time prayer.  It’s a pray until something changes, or you begin to see your way through.  I know “pray more” is a pat answer a lot of people give, but it’s not a pat easy answer if you are actually doing it.  After 18 years of Christianity,  I can say this with certainty….prayer really works.   And you need to know I throw the very best pity parties in the world.   @StayingTheCourse – @Chrisjb7 – Also as pertains Casey’s writing.   When you read his stuff tell him it’s good.  We already know he can write, and write well!   The greatest writer on earth could tell Casey he was good, but until he finishes the book, he won’t honestly know he’s good.    It’s just the way God works in our lives.   Do the work, and when it’s all done, then and only then do you get know something of the truth.Blessings,BP 

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