I shed tears the night I
told him about my SSA. Back in 05/06 telling people hadn’t gone so well for me
and there was some pain and betrayal in all that, which I’ve blogged on
previously. He was/is my best mate; we are similar in good ways (passionate,
driven, thinkers, questioners) and bad ways (head strong, critical, insular).
He’s probably the person I’d most want to spend time with and have the best
flowing conversations with. We’d gone to the same school since Year 7 and had
been almost instant friends.
I told him via email or
instant messenger in the middle of 06 about my SSA. He was s.h.o.c.k.e.d as I
expected he would be.
In the days that followed I got like 10 emails from him about his thoughts and
what I could be doing. Ouch. In the two years since we haven’t talked about it
that much. Sometimes he’ll ask me how that part of my life is going, but it
doesn’t get too deep. Though it’s obvious he’s aware when I talk about my
struggles of porn and masturbation it’s not ’cause I’m thinking about the
Anyway on the weekend we
went deep on this stuff. It was probably one of the most honest conversations,
voice to voice, I’ve ever had with anyone. Praise God. I talked about my
temptations, my thinking patterns when tempted and how my SSA works out in
being attracted to specific individual or types of men. And he listened and
didn’t say anything weird in response. I guess God’s been working in both of us
since August 06 when tears were shed and emails were sent. What a gift that I
have someone in my life, real life, I can tell anything to.
it is more valuable because of the two years it took to reach this point and
the awkwardness and pain as well that came about when SSA came into our friendship.