Masturbation withdrawal

I FEEL like I haven’t masturbated in 9 days. Not sleeping great, kind of apathetic, see my type of guy and want to start hugging him on the spot etc. And I remember why I’ve never gained consistent victory over this problem before.

 

I probably started masturbating when I was 11 or 12; didn’t even know what it was until an awkward lesson from my dad as he washed the dishes and I dried: ‘when you rub yourself…’ I can’t remember what else he said, but I’m sure it was equally embarrassing. Since I was about 15; I’ve been trying, seriously, to stop. People say it’s not outlawed in the bible, but I know for myself it is unhelpful and when I do it it is related to sin 99.9% of the time.

 

In 2006 I didn’t masturbate for 50 days, a couple of times. And probably only did it 30 out of 200 days or something in that period of my life. Then in 2007 and the first half of this year I was doing it pretty consistently and now I’m like; ‘I have to stop this’. It scares me that I’m like a 23-year-old who still needs his security wank before he goes to sleep, or so I can go to sleep. It definitely isn’t helpful for my Christian walk either.

 

So 9 days later here I am feeling withdrawal. I don’t know if anyone goes through this stuff when they stop? Like having a restless kind of sleep, feeling kind of monotonous and dull, saying stupid things to other people and creating long emotional needs meeting scenarios in your mind with a guy you just met? Argh. It’s like my alcohol; I need it to loosen up and live. At the same time lustful thoughts, as opposed to emotional desiring thoughts, haven’t been a problem.

 

Even though I think all these issues are coming to the surface because I’m not masturbating, it’s not like I’m really tempted to do that either. Once after I hadn’t done it for a while I almost forced myself to do it and then I created the need again and it was hard to stop. As of now I kind of have the opinion that masturbation is something that I just need to stop and then deal with the issues later. Though obviously I can stop masturbation through willpower or with and through the glory of God; hopefully I’m doing okay with the balance this time around.

 

I have a mate who can’t say masturbation; like he won’t, will not say the word masturbation. I don’t know what it is; shame, worried he’ll giggle. It’s kind of weird. But I think this is an important issue and something I need to beat, both to show I am mature and to become mature.

 

Btw I really like what Mark Driscoll says in porn again Christian about being manly men and that type of thinking is probably one of the biggest encouragements spurring me on.

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10 thoughts on “Masturbation withdrawal

  1. I can totally relate to what you’re saying here. I’ve probably been “clean” for maybe two or three months. During those first couple days and weeks, I definitely had this “itching” that you’ve described. Exactly like you’ve described, really. I would lay awake in my bed at night with thoughts completely consumed by a quick trip to the bathroom so that I could just finally get to sleep. I still have these “itchings” here and there, but I honestly think it does get easier the longer you can stay away from it. Once you just tell your body that you’re NOT gonna give in, I think it kinda adapts over time. Whenever I do have the temptation to cave though, I always just look for something else that can give me the “good” kind of stimulation: listening to some worship/contemporary music, hanging out with my family downstairs, etc. Anything to get away and refocus my attention elsewhere. Prayer always helps too. =)Just keep on! And trust the Lord to provide that “good” stimulation you crave. I’ll be praying for ya,tom

  2. Here’s what I’m struggling with:  masturbation is not something condemned in Scripture.  Lust is.  So if it fuels lust, it would be unwise.  Like drinking…if you can drink without getting drunk, then drink up!  If you can’t, then you need to have enough self-control to bring it to a halt.Having said that, because it isn’t mentioned in Scripture, I tend to see it, apart from lust, as a concession which God allows for folks who are not married either by choice or by death (if it’s both, then that’s a whole ‘nother ball of wax, as we say here in the U.S.).  Driscoll is right in asserting that when you masturbate, it causes your body to speed up sperm production.  Realizing that some readers would assert that what I’m about to propose is a complete oxymoron, I offer it anyway:  if masturbation can be applied in a self-controlled way in which lust is not an issue, I see no reason to refrain from utilizing it to ‘take the edge off’ of the sex drive.But again, I am working this stuff out along with my sanctification.  I’m in the throes of this right now being 26 and not married.  This very well may be something that is not a hard-and-fast issue, one which requires the Holy Spirit’s utterance to individuals rather than establishing a rule for all believers.  Or I could be unwilling to submit.  Again, still working this out.

  3. @WorshipFanatic – Thanks for sharing your thinking, I agree with what you’re saying, but on this issue I’m the drunk that can’t control myself so it’s a no no for me. Maybe I could revisit the issue in five years time or something when I’m more mature. I guess the other thing is that I saw/read what some preacher was saying, maybe it was Mark Driscoll, and someone was asking something to do with masturbation or similar and the preacher’s response was basically control yourself until you get a wife and then enjoy lots of sex. He was saying you’ve been given a sex drive by God to use in a certain way. But it’s not as simple for me. I’m facing at at least five years; maybe 60 years of celibacy. Perhaps there is no light at the end of the sexual self-control tunnel in the form of a woman and a marriage bed. Do I think God harsh? Of course, not. He is God. But there’s going to be a bit more struggle for me to get to that healthy place as a single.

  4. @Chrisjb7 – Yeah, I’m facing the same sort of prospect, time-wise.  I look at the other methods of sexual outlet and they aren’t acceptable by ANY biblical standard, leaving really only masturbation.  Of course, throwing lust into the mix (as I said earlier) changes the rules as it were because lust IS specifically mentioned in the bible as being sin.  The spirit of the law would seem to be a matter of conscience since there is no biblical reference to it at all, good or bad.  If it were on God’s short list, then he’d have said something.But I think you are on to something:  you recognize that you are the guy who can’t do it occasionally, and so now you must live with fidelity to the gospel, meaning, in this case, that you must die to yourself.  I must confess, I’m in the same boat the vast majority of the time and have NOT been living in fidelity to the gospel in this area.And as far as your original question goes, YES…I go through very much the same withdrawl process.  I say dumb things and my body just cries out for release.  That’s just the nature of a sex drive. 

  5. Dude, I’m right there with you. Sometimes the “withdrawls” are worse than others. It’s been about two weeks for me and thankfully, no withdrawls. Praise the Lord. And my opinion on the whole “is it a sin or not a sin” (not that you at all asked for it and it’s not even related to your orginal post) is that it is. I based this on what I have been taught and that is to view things in light of Genesis, before sin, the way God intended. In that picture we see man and woman and God said that the two should be one. Therefore, any sexual expression outside of marriage between a man and a woman is considered sinful becuase it is contrary to God’s original design. Grace and Peace my brother.

  6. @twoBeckonings – @WorshipFanatic – @md4christ – @Chrisjb7 – Guys, you’ve had a good healthy discussion here and I respect each of your opinions or interpretations.  The lust issue is primary, and Mark Driscoll’s booklet, and most others I’ve read, come down on the side of any masturbation outside of marriage as being selfish and therefore sin since it is pretty difficult to be assured that no lust enters into the picture.  But I empathize with you guys, and by all means recommend minimizing it if you struggle with completely stopping.  “Fasting” for good long stretches can be a good starting approach.Just a mention to stay open for what God could or might have ahead of you in life.  I got married at the age of 34 after settling or contenting myself that I would probably be single long-term, and a missionary friend (not an SSA struggler) got married at the age of 40, so God continues to lead us in ways that we don’t expect or anticipate sometimes.

  7. @Chrisjb7 – @WorshipFanatic – @twoBeckonings – I just sent the following to md4christ in response to a message and prayer request.  Thought I would share it here also:  “Line up a list of “what I’ll do instead” when the urges occur, because they will. Not quite sure what it is about us guys, how we get sucked into the patterns that lead to porn and masturbation. There’s plenty of resources out there to give ideas on overcoming. When it comes right down to it, though, it’s obedience and endurance, plain and simple. When you get the urge to look at porn or masturbate, you need to lift that up to the Lord and ask for strength to overcome the temptation, and Ibe obedient in not doing anything to feed the temptation. Each time you give in it makes it easier for the next time and so on. So if you think instead of heading to the gym, or doing some quiet time, or finding something productive to read or to do around the house, then your mind diverts from the selfish desire for pleasure and escape to something more productive that may actually do some good. Anyway, just some reflections. Think through your triggers for porn and masturbation and see what checks you can put in place to overcome the urges.

  8. Hello Chris,You made your site simple yet elegant. I see that you need strength from God to overcome a destructive habit. Now is a good time! I recommend the one true God, Jehovah. I want to help people to really get to know God, especially in these troubled times. Here is an important message for all of us from the Bible: 17 You make God tired with all your talk. “How do we tire him out?” you ask. By saying, “God loves sinners and sin alike. God loves all.” And also by saying, “Judgment? God’s too nice to judge.” (Malachi 2:17) (Message Bible)

  9. Ultimately, masturbation is a form of sexual addiction.  BUT it is a symptom of deeper issues.  We masturbate because we want to feel better.  So I encourage you to look at the deeper issues involved.  It’s hard to stop a symptom without addressing the deeper sickness.

  10. @Chrisjb7 – @rom81 –  What rom81 says is absolutely central to what I’ve been saying about same-sex attraction all along.   That he says it more succinctly than I can is a bit perturbing.   Still as long as it gets said I don’t care who says it better.And as to the arguments from silence in Scripture, one of your commenter’s makes, that’s a very poor argument to support any stance.   I have ranted and raved at you guys about the importance of knowledge.   The most closed minded people I’ve ever met are gay, gay affirming, and those who struggle against SSA.   I mean that, it’s as if there’s this one little corner of people in society who are absolutely clueless and they don’t want anyone giving them a clue.   When I became a Christian I sat down with the Bible and carefully studied, word for word, exactly what Scripture teaches about homosexuality.   I didn’t stop there I studied every verse I could find which dealt with sexuality.    From cover to cover  I did a very painstaking study using Greek and Hebrew dictionaries.   I even borrowed some books on Greek and Hebrew from a Seminary student.   When I say my study was painstaking I mean it took many months.    It was worth it, because I got the whole counsel of God on the subject of human sexuality.   Why do I study so much?  Simple, because I know myself.  I know that I can rationalize my way out of anything.   Knowledge takes away my ability to rationalize.   I can’t rationalize that I was born gay, because I’ve learned scientific facts tell a completely different and opposite story.   I can’t rationalize acceptance of masturbation because the Bible is silent on the matter.   I’ve studied what the Bible has to say about human sexuality and it explicitly tells us that sex is only ever acceptable in marriage.   The Bible doesn’t have to say anything about masturbation if sex is only allowed between a man and a woman in marriage.    The argument from silence concerning masturbation is moot.  I think I understand why there is nothing in Scripture directly addressing masturbation.   There is only one setting in which human sexuality is approved and promoted; marriage.   Marriage between a man and a woman, for the length of a partner’s life.   Everything outside of God ordained marriage is either absolutely condemned or strongly discouraged, because of the negative effect on people (like marriage between more than two individuals.  It’s not explicitly condemned, but it hurts the people involved).   Adam tells us why masturbation doesn’t need to be addressed:  Genesis 2:23a ” “At last!” the man exclaimed.  “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh!”   Sex is first and foremost communion between a man and a woman.  God designed sex to be that.   How can one commune with himself?   God tells us in the same chapter of Genesis that it is not good for man to be alone.   Communion, to God. is between two individual/parties, there is no communion of one. I won’t tell you that knowledge is what will set you free.   The knowledge that will set you free is the knowledge God builds in you as you in obedience to Him.  Knowledge creates boundaries, so you don’t become immobilized by easy rationalization.   Face it bro, freedom is just incredibly hard work, perhaps the hardest you’ll ever do.   It’s worth it….But I can’t give you that knowledge.  You can only learn freedom from the knowledge God puts in you as you walk with Him.   I can’t walk your walk for you.   You have to put in the hard, painful work.Blessings,BP 

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