MARK Driscoll was shouting at me earlier. “The great sin of Adam and the great sin of the sons of Adam is DOING NOTHING; THAT IS YOUR SIN.” It’s in reference to Genesis 3:6 when Eve eats the fruit in the Garden of Eden and gives some to her husband “who was with her,” but not fighting for her as the serpent spoke or stopping her from eating the fruit.
It convicts me. A lot. I have a tendency to be passive; to hang back; to avoid the tough moment and so on. It goes deeper than that. I don’t naturally look for opportunities to initiate or take action. I don’t walk into a room and think what can be done? Twenty-three years of passiveness and reacting rather than initiating haven’t helped. My lack of initiating can even be a problem when people instigate something with me. I’m so stunned by their forthrightness that instead of initiating in response and throwing my weight around a tad; I end up following whichever direction their conversation or action leads me.
Sometimes I feel like I have spirals of passive avoidance similar to escalations of lust. Today at church I was in a new situation helping with children’s stuff and I avoid one responsibility and then the next instant I am avoiding another and then I’m being passive when I should be initiating some course of action and I end up feeling like I’ve emasculated myself.
I despise, yes this much, other men when they do nothing. My boss at work when he sounds nervous speaking to me as he’s been avoiding dealing with a qualification recognition issue for two months and I’ve reminded him about it the day before. Or my dad is sitting passively at the kitchen table spending hours and hours watching mindless television program after silly television show, as people deal with problems around him that he shows no interest in engaging with.
This issue, this failure to frequently initiate in tough situations, is the number one reason I’m nowhere near ready for a girlfriend. If I can’t be a man for myself; how can I lead another? If when stressful situations happen I’m waiting for her lead it’s only going to result in frustration on both of our parts.
The reason this failure to launch is such a big problem for myself is partly because of personality. I’m always going to hang back more than some. So I’m not too hard on myself. Though I’m working to be better and just realising it and thinking about it has helped.