THEY didn’t tell me how much time I could spend cleaning when I was 12. You can fill a whole weekend with it. A WHOLE weekend minus church, eating, exercise and Friday night dinner with a dude from church. When I imagined adulthood as a kid it didn’t include cleaning venetian blinds, drawers, walls, showers and cupboards for seventeen hours. Ugh. Two busted right-hand gloves later there’s still plenty to do. (I’m moving out of my house and it needs to be returned in a pristine state to the landlord).
You know what else they didn’t tell me? That life could be this great. That I would be able to deal with most of my issues (SSA, shyness, lack of confidence etc) to some degree and the resulting clarity would be amazing. That one day, about 60 days ago now, I would stop masturbating and for a while I was empty and then the hole would be filled and the desire would disappear for a long period, which continues. That I would look at a picture of a couple in the newspaper and my eyes would be drawn to the female first. That I could walk down the street and not need to check out every guy, and there wasn’t much pain in avoiding doing it. That my thinking would mature and change and I would look at things and events and actions massively different. Then I would react differently and end up in a totally different place. That God would still seem as awesome as He did on a night when I was 15 not long after I became a Christian. And in a way He’s more awesomer ’cause I know Him better and understand how He works better. That I would see my sin clearer and be more concerned about, but know that His blood is greater.
Who knew it could turn out this way when I was a broken, guy-crazed, self absorbed 14-year-old?
I don’t know how long this walk across the top of mountains will last. I’ve been feeling this way for maybe a month, but I know I’ll be back in the valley someday soon and am worried it will be the week after I write this post. Right now I’m enjoying the vista. Praise Him.