Suprises of adulthood

THEY didn’t tell me how much time I could spend cleaning when I was 12. You can fill a whole weekend with it. A WHOLE weekend minus church, eating, exercise and Friday night dinner with a dude from church. When I imagined adulthood as a kid it didn’t include cleaning venetian blinds, drawers, walls, showers and cupboards for seventeen hours. Ugh. Two busted right-hand gloves later there’s still plenty to do. (I’m moving out of my house and it needs to be returned in a pristine state to the landlord).

You know what else they didn’t tell me? That life could be this great. That I would be able to deal with most of my issues (SSA, shyness, lack of confidence etc) to some degree and the resulting clarity would be amazing. That one day, about 60 days ago now, I would stop masturbating and for a while I was empty and then the hole would be filled and the desire would disappear for a long period, which continues. That I would look at a picture of a couple in the newspaper and my eyes would be drawn to the female first. That I could walk down the street and not need to check out every guy, and there wasn’t much pain in avoiding doing it. That my thinking would mature and change and I would look at things and events and actions massively different. Then I would react differently and end up in a totally different place. That God would still seem as awesome as He did on a night when I was 15 not long after I became a Christian. And in a way He’s more awesomer ’cause I know Him better and understand how He works better. That I would see my sin clearer and be more concerned about, but know that His blood is greater.

Who knew it could turn out this way when I was a broken, guy-crazed, self absorbed 14-year-old?

I don’t know how long this walk across the top of mountains will last. I’ve been feeling this way for maybe a month, but I know I’ll be back in the valley someday soon and am worried it will be the week after I write this post. Right now I’m enjoying the vista. Praise Him.

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4 thoughts on “Suprises of adulthood

  1. You don’t have to live by your feelings in the future.   The walking on mountain top feelings do go away.  We can’t live on mountain tops, but we don’t have to return to old ways either.   The temptation will return, but you remember that Christ has set you free.   You simply, by God’s grace say, “NO!”   When you trust that God has changed you more than your feelings of attraction the change will be most real.   Emotional maturity means that when tempted or offered sin you choose Christ.  You will not always feel like choosing Christ, so you just make the choice feeling something different.   Feelings lie, they lie a lot, and that’s the truth.   Until you stop giving your feelings the power in your life, you’ll be captive to your feelings.  I think you’re starting to see some truth in this.   I know you guys think I’m too harsh, direct and like a “know it all” but you’re starting to experience what I talk about.  What I talk about is what God has done in my life.  And I know what God has done in my life.  What He’s done for me He’ll gladly do for you and everyone else.I’m proud of what God is doing in your life.  I’m proud of you for obeying God.   Chris you keep going, you don’t ever have to go back to the way things were.   Obey, God and He will get you where He, and you want to be.   You don’t have to drink the “gay kool-aid”.  (In case you didn’t know, in the United States, when someone says, “Don’t drink the kool-aid”  they mean, don’t accept a poison or false way of thinking.  Sorry I forget you’re an Aussie, sometimes.  Aussies are awesome by the way!!).  God make His face shine upon you, and peace be with you.Lonnie 

  2. i’m really glad for you, Chris – Good for you!

  3. Chris,Don’t worry about the valley. When God is with you even the valley results in good. When you gladly follow Jesus through the valley, you demonstrate by your loving obedience that God is worth it all !

  4. Great post. I’m praising God with you!!

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