Gay surveys

Today at uni we had a lecture on the results of a survey that was done of same sex attracted youth aged between 14-21 in my state. In a few ways it took me back to that time in my life and things like friends being harsh towards gay people in their speaking at school, feeling picked on by some people and called a girl and all that sort of thing. In a way that was so long ago now, like seven to 12 years ago, and it didn’t hurt to be reminded of it. But there was an awareness that things could have and, probably, should have been different. I went to a Christian school and they never mentioned stuff like same sex attraction or held anti-homophobia classes. Sometimes I think some Christians think a little bit of homophobia is even helpful sometimes.

A lot of the examples they had from the survey ( were heartbreaking. Teenagers being abused, verbally and physically, and finding themselves and becoming okay with where they were at. It’s hard for me to think about, because on the one hand, being able to emphasise to some degree with their situations, I want schools and teachers and governments to do whatever they can to ensure the teenage years for SSA people are as easy as possible, but they always bring all their ideological baggage of being overly accepting with them. Then as a Christian I don’t really feel that sorry when the church gets bashed on this issue. They have done a shocking job about it. Lots of people don’t understand the issue or want to.

But then how does the church do better? How can it seem compassionate to the 450 student teachers in that lecture hall who are predisposed to be against its position? Should the church be worrying about what they think anyway?

I don’t want the church to drop its standards on homosexuality and ignore God’s truth. Lack of truth in churches annoys me as much as the other side. I guess the only thing they can do is to be broken hearted truth tellers. People who emphasise with the 15-year-old gay kid, but with time, tears and hugs call them to a better way. But then God’s truth on this issue is so anathema to today’s 20-somethings that even with all the love in the world I’m thinking they are still going to be offended.

I’ve had a messy few weeks with masturbation most days and then culminating in porn, my first extended session in a couple of months, on the weekend. I’m feeling worn out from uni three days a week and starting at a school two days a week and coming home every night to study. Even going to church on the weekend wears me out, because there are all these people I don’t know and nothing tires me out more than socialising with people I don’t know.

Socially uni is going fine. Sure, I’d like it to be going great. But for who I am and what uni is; it’s fine. Even when I’m sitting next to people I’m acquaintances with I get dissatisfied. I think to myself why can’t I be sitting next to that person on the other side of the room I sit next to in one of my tutorials? Or I pick out a moderately good looking guy in one of my classes who doesn’t seem to sit next to many people and I decide we should be great friends. Then I’m dissatisfied with the actual people I am sitting with or talking with. It’s stupid.


One thought on “Gay surveys

  1. It is kind of funny sometimes how we let our minds wreak havoc on us, whether in a cladd or in church.  I’ll be praying for you as you continue to make adjustments.

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