The love song I shouldn’t be listening to

SO I guess it’s appropriate to start at the beginning. Dawn brought masturbation and then a rush to get to church in time, beat tram by 20 seconds, and then church was good. I stayed and chatted. Great people. Then (using ‘then’ is an elementary level way to recount an experience; thank you English teacher training), then I caught the train to the middle suburbs and bought fried salt and chilli chicken pieces (shout out to seekingwholeness) from this Asian place and caught a tram back to the city where I hopped on a different tram to the bohemian inner suburb (the preppy hipsters live in my suburb; the bohemian ones live here). I should add that the weather was glorious. Sun shining, cool breeze; the kind of early fall day that makes people lie on the grass and soak it up. Anyway, I headed to a bakery and chose a scrumptious lemon tart and perused the Sunday paper and watched people. On the radio Nova 100 was playing and a catchy love dance song began: “I will give to you the love you seek and more, so what are you waiting for?” It got to me. I walked to the train station and travelled to the big football stadium, and people watched for an hour. I meandered along the river back to the city and by about this time anyone who wasn’t alone was annoying me.  

That wasn’t really the beginning. In the beginning I decided I needed a day off study/washing/ironing etc. I was feeling a bit rundown late last week and was going to make Sunday my Sabbath. Matt Carter encouraged me too: “God says, ‘Israelites you remember that day that was like that great victory for you. It was like the biggest day of your lives. You were a slave in Egypt, but I showed up on the scene and parted the Red Sea and sent you through there and killed all your enemies. Kind of a victorious day. I want you to remember I did it. When you were hopeless. When you thought I would never come. I stepped in. When you had to wait I was faithful.’ God says ‘remember that’… The day of rest is not only a blessing to you physically and spiritually, but it’s a day where you trust God. Trust God. So I remember the victory in my life comes through Him.” I love it. Basically his point is that when we are resting from our work, we are resting from trusting in our own abilities to achieve what we want and are forced to trust God. His preaching goes really well with the love song I shouldn’t be listening to.

All this is to say, I’m feeling it today. I’m feeling the glory of a beautiful day and trains that zoom just right and exquisitely made lemon tarts, and the ache of doing that alone.

I don’t think I mean this in a ‘woe is me; what a victim I am’ way. Just wouldn’t an awesome day be more awesome with a special someone. The love song speaks to this too: “watching life go by no one who to share”.

Yesterday something cool happened. I had prayed to meet another Christian in my course at uni and after my Saturday media studies class I did. It’s important when people ask me what I’m doing for the weekend that I out myself as going to church, so they can reciprocate.


3 thoughts on “The love song I shouldn’t be listening to

  1. Gotta love Salt and Chilli Chicken ribs!  (To any vegans and vegetarians I apologise for my lack of sensitivity)  Funny how masturbation gets right in your face at a time when you’re going to meet with God.  I’ve known that too, sadly.  On the flip side though, it didn’t prevent you from meeting with him, and he with you by the sound of things.I appreciate your confession.Be God’s my friend.T.

  2. You weren’t alone at all, if you were participating in the Sabbath. Thousands of your brothers and sisters were doing the same. More importantly, if you spend the day with God, there is never a moment when you are alone.That being said, I understand what you mean. I hate going to the grocery store because I have no one to go with. I hate eating out when I have no one to go with. I will not go to the movies by myself either.

  3. I really believe, Chris, that you need to remind yourself that when Christ forgave your sins, He forgave them all (past, present and future) and you need to stop beating yourself up for the times you yield to temptation whether it is to look at some porn or to take your pants down and masturbate.Just thank God that you are forgiven and that He is giving you  the grace to have another chance at doing things right.  He will never leave you nor forsake you.  Your life is a huge blessing to others, and you are going to find you are have Christian victory more and more over those nasty temptations.You know, that I thank God for your life and example. Just knowing you makes it easier for me to live in Christian victory!

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