Lacking purpose

I FEEL like I lack purpose, or more truly perhaps; I’m not seeking to live a life that gains purpose from God.

I feel like I’m scrounging around trying to find something that will satisfy me. I try to make it about friends, so I fill my days with people and activities and it’s great, and I love them, but there’s still an ache. So I decide what I’m really missing is a wife and attribute my loneliness and restlessness to the lack of a significant companion, and become bitter that marriage doesn’t feel like a possibility at the moment. Then I decide that if I go on another overseas holiday again it will make me happy and I will never be unsatisfied again, so I spend hours researching airfares and hotels. But don’t part with any cash because I know life isn’t found in being somewhere else. I consider buying a house cause that would be fun and adult-like

I don’t know. I feel like I’m 26 and I still have 60 years to go and the thought bores me. Sleep, shower, eat, work, relax, hang out repeat. Repeat. Repeat. I love teaching. But it doesn’t satisfy me. It doesn’t make all my problems disappear. It doesn’t make me happy.

I want to be alive. Really alive. I feel like I’m going through the motions. I know God and my purpose in Him and how I think about life is key, but I’m struggling to do it right. I want to run after God with abandon. I want my emotions to want to run after God with abandon.

I don’t usually feel like this. I hope it changes soon.

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7 thoughts on “Lacking purpose

  1. Dude, thats mostly why I travel!  it is an escape, so fun, but it doesnt solve anything per-say.  Other than what to do with excess money hahaha.  But dude, I totally relate to this post.  I try to invest in friendships, until she comes along… *Shrugs* Sometimes I feel like I try investing too much in trying to find new friends.  So IDK, but im praying for you buddy!

  2. I used to live with my parents before I bought a house, and the additional freedom was worth it. A house can be a huge time and financial drain too though, since you’re responsible for literally all of the maintenance. It’s at least made it easier for me to have good housemates, since they only need to deal with me directly. I don’t know if that’s necessarily in your best interest though. Don’t do it just because it seems like an ‘adult thing to do’. You have the option of being very flexible without being tied down to a mortgage, which might even make it easier to settle in with a future wife, so renting might be better option for now. Praying for you!

  3. Wow, your writing still is rather different than normal which I think is a good thing. Thanks for sharing your heartaches and passions. Let’s skype soon!

  4. Recently I’ve felt how you were describing on the day when you wrote this entry.  I AM married, but I still feel alone sometimes.  It’s not because my wife and I aren’t close, because we are, but I still just feel lonely, regardless.  I know exactly how it feels to be searching for that “one thing” that will make me satisfied.  Nothing on this earth ever does for more than a few minutes or a couple of days.  I don’t think I have to tell you what the answer is.  You know what the only thing that will satisfy you longterm is… Jesus.  It’s just that, for some unknown reason, we just keep thinking, “What if I had A or B or C, though?  I would be satisfied.”  Haha, it’s a crazy circle, but I understand how you were feeling that day.  I hope things have gotten better for you since then.-Nox

  5. Wow, I just finished praying about this very thing. Then I found your post. Not sure if that’s a coincidence or God’s leading, nevertheless, I also feel I lack purpose. I am single, I struggle with same sex attractions, I am a Christian. I have no family of my own and I’m not close to my birth family because I’ve always been different and I don’t fit it. My church is 40 miles away. There are no single people there, but I love my church. I feel God there. I do not fit in with the married folks, I do not fit in with the young people, I’m OLD. There are no singles my age. The people I work with, well, same old saga. These are not people I’ve chosen to have in my life, or whom chose to have me in theirs. We are stuck together, and we’re nothing alike. Old friends married, moved away, or we somehow lost touch over the years. I lack purpose in my life. I asked God tonight “WHAT IS MY PURPOSE? DO I EVEN HAVE ONE, or am I just wasting oxygen that could be better breathed by someone else”?I know that God is ALL I need, or should be anyway, yet I am also human, and have basic human desires and emotions. I can’t get married, I have no attraction to women. I would ruin her life. That’s why I’ve never gone there solely for the companionship. I love to travel (road trips) but I hate traveling alone. There’s no one to share it with. Seems rather pointless to me. I can feel all alone at home. Why waste the time and money to feel that way somewhere else wishing there was someone along to share it with?IF there are others like me out there somewhere (in Oklahoma, right) then they are only temporarily single until they find their NEXT spouse, and they’re too busy doing that to care about making a new friend to hang out with. I fell like Elijah (or was it Elisha) under the juniper tree complaining that I’m the only one left. I know I’m not, but WHERE ARE THEY? Egypt? Jamaica? Amsterdam? I mean come on!My world has changed so much over the years, and this world in general has changed around me to where I feel I no longer belong here. I don’t fit in anymore. It hurts! Nevertheless, I told God a number of years back, at a lonely time in my life that even f I have no friends whatsoever, I’ll still serve Him. He reminded me of that committment tonight. It’s up to me. I don’t understand, and perhaps I never will, yet I know that whatever I have to go through in this life, Heaven will be worth it. My job is to get there, and perhaps I can’t with others in my life. Maybe this is what it is going to take for me to make it. Maybe not. God looked down on Adam alone in the garden and said; “it is not good that man should be alone”. I reminded God tonight that it still isn’t good and i need help. lol.oh my friend, you are NOT alone. There are others out here who feel exactly the same way. I’m twice your age, and I probably live a couple thousand miles away from you, but you’re not the only one. We are out here. I own my home. It isn’t much but it’s mine and it needs work I don’t know how to do. That isn’t the answer, but I still wouldn’t have it any other way. I don’t want to live with someone else, or rent. I’m thankful I have my own home. Yet, it is still lonely. We MUST lean on our Lord. He is enough, even when we feel like He isn’t. Perhaps we have an “acceptance” problem. I don’t know, but if it helps, there are many of us out here. Don’t give up! NEVER give up!

  6. @WoundedWanderer – Thanks for sharing. I wish that it was a happier story, but it’s encouraging to know that other men have walked the path of faithfulness as well. Keep going too!I thought of Hebrews 11 as I read this:These all died in faith, not having received the things promised, but having seen them and greeted them from afar, and having acknowledged that they were strangers and exiles on the earth. 14 For people who speak thus make it clear that they are seeking a homeland. 15 If they had been thinking of that land from which they had gone out, they would have had opportunity to return. 16 But as it is, they desire a better country, that is, a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared for them a city.

  7. EXCELLENT scripture! That’s exactly where we are….. sojourners passing through a corrupt land, looking for home!

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