Nude photography

Well, now Revohor is gone I guess someone else has to talk about this kind of stuff, haha.

His honesty on things that are rarely talked about has been helpful to me and has given me the freedom to explore things that I would previously have considered unsafe or wrong. I’m not saying that has necessarily been a good or bad thing, but it is something that has occurred.

One of the things that interested me was his posts on photography and particularly the fact that he has photographed himself naked. As a keen amateur photographer some of my interest in this has come from that direction.

So I was pondering the idea of taking some nude photographs of myself. Gasp; horror; I know. And then last night I was tired after work and just wanted to do something chill, but not as lazy as watching tv, so I took my clothes off and got my camera out and went for it.

The emphasis was on trying to capture an artistic (rather than pornographic) nude shot and it was a good challenge. I didn’t find it sexual at all.

You might be wondering why I’m even sharing this…

The thing is when I put the pics on my computer I smiled. Because I saw a man’s body. A pretty decent man’s body. And the man’s body was mine! I’m a man. I’m smiling now.

I don’t know. Maybe I was stuck viewing my body as a 14-year-old, which is the last time I probably really engaged with it. I was a bit overweight, a bit pasty, little muscle definition and it wasn’t something I was proud of.

Today I’m not overweight, I’m a little bit toned and, yeah, it’s something I’m happy with. I’m a man with a man’s body. Smile.

It took some nude photography for me to appreciate this.

So I guess, thanks Revohor, wherever you are. It’s been helpful for me.

I did consider whether it would be helpful to share this, but perhaps there are others out there who have done or considered doing the same thing.

I wouldn’t discourage it or recommend it. It obviously has its risks.

But God made me a man. I’m a man when I have clothes on and I’m taking initiative and serving and leading and learning, and I’m a man when I’m naked and the structure of my body and the muscles and, yeah, that little dangly thing as well, scream MAN!!


You’re being a man about it

THERE’S a moment on a compilation of clips from TV series ‘Friday Night Lights’ that’s really resonating with me.  A football player who became paraplegic in an accident says ‘I’m just trying to figure out my life” and Coach Taylor responds “you’re dealing with it. You’re being a man about it” as Adele croons about her ‘Hometown’.   

It’s encouragement to me because I’m trying to figure out what life looks like for a single guy with SSA in his mid-twenties. And I feel that ‘I’m dealing with it. I’m being a man about it.’

Recently I purchased a house. I’d decided I was tired of living in other peoples’ spare rooms and shifting repeatedly. (Six different bedrooms in the last three years.) And purchasing a home seemed like a good way to force myself to stay, somewhere – anywhere – for a moderate length of time.  

In the first few weeks it’s been good. I’ve really enjoyed working on my garden and buying canvas reprints of my own photographs for the wall. But, it’s been hard to do some of this by myself. It’s ‘my’ dream and ‘my’ plans not ‘ours’. There’s no special woman who comes home to spend the night with me. I’ve felt some pangs of loneliness in this. Surprisingly stronger than I thought I would. Sure, I can ask friends and family to come shopping with me or help me choose plants, but at the end of the day; it’s mine. Alone. There’s something that feels wrong about that.

But I’ve accepted it and I’m dealing with it and being a man about it. I’m not sitting around and moping or being a victim. I’m moving on.

Coach Taylor says something else in that clip compilation that stirs something in me. He says “every man at some point in his life is going to lose a battle. He is going to fight and he is going to lose.” I feel like I lost a battle somewhere. It wasn’t necessarily one that I fought very strongly or was often in the forefront of my mind, but I wanted a ‘normal’ middle-class life with a wife and kids. And although that could still happen, it won’t in the way I wanted it to.

That was a battle I fought and lost. It’s not going to happen in the next few years at least. It’s a sin stained world and things are broken. It’s good to war against that and I think it’s good to mourn when that fight is lost.

A couple of years ago as I first pondered becoming a teacher I had the inkling, almost a dream, of how my life would turn out. I would live in a certain town and work at a certain school and in a few weeks this will become a reality. (Well, I already work at the school, but I’m swapping campuses come November 25.) It kind of scares me that the life I at one stage thought would bring me the most happiness is now the life I will be living. Because it, of itself, is not going to make me happy. I need something deeper. And I’m dealing with it. I’m being a man about it.


(If you want to watch the Friday Night Lights compilation I refer to it’s called Friday Night Lights Emmy Awards Trailer.)