You’re being a man about it

THERE’S a moment on a compilation of clips from TV series ‘Friday Night Lights’ that’s really resonating with me.  A football player who became paraplegic in an accident says ‘I’m just trying to figure out my life” and Coach Taylor responds “you’re dealing with it. You’re being a man about it” as Adele croons about her ‘Hometown’.   

It’s encouragement to me because I’m trying to figure out what life looks like for a single guy with SSA in his mid-twenties. And I feel that ‘I’m dealing with it. I’m being a man about it.’

Recently I purchased a house. I’d decided I was tired of living in other peoples’ spare rooms and shifting repeatedly. (Six different bedrooms in the last three years.) And purchasing a home seemed like a good way to force myself to stay, somewhere – anywhere – for a moderate length of time.  

In the first few weeks it’s been good. I’ve really enjoyed working on my garden and buying canvas reprints of my own photographs for the wall. But, it’s been hard to do some of this by myself. It’s ‘my’ dream and ‘my’ plans not ‘ours’. There’s no special woman who comes home to spend the night with me. I’ve felt some pangs of loneliness in this. Surprisingly stronger than I thought I would. Sure, I can ask friends and family to come shopping with me or help me choose plants, but at the end of the day; it’s mine. Alone. There’s something that feels wrong about that.

But I’ve accepted it and I’m dealing with it and being a man about it. I’m not sitting around and moping or being a victim. I’m moving on.

Coach Taylor says something else in that clip compilation that stirs something in me. He says “every man at some point in his life is going to lose a battle. He is going to fight and he is going to lose.” I feel like I lost a battle somewhere. It wasn’t necessarily one that I fought very strongly or was often in the forefront of my mind, but I wanted a ‘normal’ middle-class life with a wife and kids. And although that could still happen, it won’t in the way I wanted it to.

That was a battle I fought and lost. It’s not going to happen in the next few years at least. It’s a sin stained world and things are broken. It’s good to war against that and I think it’s good to mourn when that fight is lost.

A couple of years ago as I first pondered becoming a teacher I had the inkling, almost a dream, of how my life would turn out. I would live in a certain town and work at a certain school and in a few weeks this will become a reality. (Well, I already work at the school, but I’m swapping campuses come November 25.) It kind of scares me that the life I at one stage thought would bring me the most happiness is now the life I will be living. Because it, of itself, is not going to make me happy. I need something deeper. And I’m dealing with it. I’m being a man about it.

 

(If you want to watch the Friday Night Lights compilation I refer to it’s called Friday Night Lights Emmy Awards Trailer.)

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5 thoughts on “You’re being a man about it

  1. Awesome post. Keep fighting those battles like a man. And until you get married, have fun walking around your house naked!

  2. @RevoHor – I spent most of the afternoon naked, haha, although I thought marriage would mean more nudity not less…

  3. @perseveringalltheway – It depends on the person. Even though there’s sex in marriage, being totally naked with each other sometimes takes time to get used to.

  4. Any post that includes FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS automatically deserves recognition and applause. Gosh I love that show. Moves me on so many levels.I feel you, man. I really do. In many ways I’m living out a sort of dream right now having my “own” place. At least my own bedroom, even though I’m renting one out in a house. It’s different from sharing a bedroom like I’ve done the last two years, and I still aspire to live in my own apartment or something someday. I imagine it would be liberating to have that level of independence, but perhaps lonely and “wrong” like you described.You’re being a man though. And that’s an awesome thing to witness.Keep going. God’s got something awesome in store. He always does.

  5. Friday Night Lights.Oh man.  This is the 2nd best series I’ve ever encountered.  My girlfriend reminds me of Tammy Taylor somewhat (strong yet feminine).  Have you watched the series?  It’s worth investing time into it.  I am a better man and teacher because of it.  Honestly.  Just finished the 5th season.  Coach’s world reminds me of my own as a teacher.  Obviously not with football….haha but in the intensity and “world” that is teaching high school and the students that you and I get to work with.  When I bought my house I felt somewhat the same as you did.  Different then how I’d imagine buying my first place.  Time really does help in this case though, at least for me.  Thinking of ya!-drew

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