Worshipping with tears

SO with long holidays comes random internet browsing. The other day I decided to look up people who used to go to my SSA group four or five years ago. I noticed that they were all friends with similar people and it turned out that a lot of them are involved in a group that promotes Christianity and being actively gay. It’s possible that they are simply observers and interested parties and not actually in agreement with the group’s values. However, it was surprising to me that they would even consider this kind of group. Of say 10 people who were in this SSA group that I know of about three of them are still clearly ‘dealing with it’ with a Biblical position while a couple I wouldn’t know of and the rest are either actively gay Christians or involved in groups that support that.

My reaction was one of part surprise because years ago these people were quite passionate about what the Bible said and their response to it. My other major reaction was sadness. I truly believe that God created man and woman and that the only way for sexual expression is between a man and a woman within a lifelong commitment. In the Bible it is always clear that man and woman are created to be with each other as husband and wife. I would argue that this explicit and repeated teaching is a bigger condemnation of a gay coupling than the few negative verses about same sex actions and relationships. So when I read that a guy has got a boyfriend, I wonder if this is evidence they have moved from the kingdom of light to the kingdom of darkness. I say evidence because the core is always how we view God and believing that God sanctions gay relationships is firstly an issue with who we think God is and what he requires of us. It makes me so sad. It doesn’t rock my faith. I am convinced of whom I have believed, but, oh, that everyone could see the wonders and might of our God and trust in His truth. That the way was not narrow and there were not only a few whom found it.

Right now I know someone who I’ve been close to at times who is heading in that direction. Again, it makes me sad. I guess I feel so powerless. I mean I can offer all the logical advice in the world ie ‘if you’re unhappy without a boyfriend the root causes of that unhappiness would mean you will still struggle with a boyfriend,’ ‘it gets better as you mature,’ ‘if you took steps to deepen your friendships with your current friends for example by sharing about your SSA you would experience intimacy that would make a special someone slightly less alluring,’ ‘you are a friendly, personable guy with a big family and lots of interests, so you’re never going to be bored or friendless,’ ‘the issues that frustrate you in your long-term friendships would be magnified with a guy,’ ‘it would be hard to find a good guy anyway,’ ‘your concerns about the Bible and the gay verses could be allayed if you read some books by people who believed the Bible’ etc etc. But at the end of the day, the problem is how they see God. If they saw Him as awesome and mighty and the Bible as His truth then they would never get a boyfriend no matter how appealing it might seem. They would develop a theology of suffering and of the fallenness of the world and the place of pain and the work of Jesus and the promise of restoration. To that end I pray for them a lot. That God through the Holy Spirit would help them see who He is and His Truth.

I fear the day he tells me he has a boyfriend or he has stopped believing and the darkness has overcome him. But, if, if, that happens, (and I pray desperately it does not) I will worship God. He is true and all knowing and all powerful and loving.

I don’t mean this to come over as harsh. The audience here is Christians struggling with homosexuality, so I’m writing it to that audience. If I was communicating with non-Christians or met up with those guys again I would speak differently and focus on God rather than any other issue.

John 6:66-69

66 After this many of his disciples turned back and no longer walked with him. 67 So Jesus said to the Twelve, “Do you want to go away as well?” 68 Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, 69 and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”

 

Philippians 3:17-21

17Brothers, join in imitating me, and keep your eyes on those who walk according to the example you have in us. 18For many, of whom I have often told you and now tell you even with tears, walk as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. 20But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself.

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How to move forward?

I’m already making progress on my goals for 2012. I had a couple of friends over for lunch on Sunday then a couple and their kids today and I’ll have my parents on Monday. It’s quite fun trying to create tasty food and an enjoyable atmosphere. I’m also learning…for example put the water in the fridge a couple of hours beforehand. I’m going to ikea on Saturday, so I’ll get some more things I need.

Since I moved house on Oct 15 or so I haven’t had a broadband internet connection at home. I still have internet access via my phone but this is limited by both the quantity of my allowance and the speed of the 3G. It’s been interesting. I’ve been able to check the news/facebook/email/xanga etc and have type skypes, but not much more beyond that. It has meant that I’ve missed out on skyping with some good friends a few times, but that has been the only major negative. It’s reduced my sin episodes with the internet somewhat, which has been good. I think sometimes we underestimate the need to cut our access to sin. It really can be the easiest way to avoid it. Unfortunately it’s almost impossible these days to be without internet access. Our parents have it or our phone has it or it’s part of our accommodation deal. I wish that wasn’t the case as I think getting rid of it would be a good thing for some of us. As for myself I’ll probably get it again after I pass the stress hurdles in the next couple of months when I’d usually turn to the crap.

I’m feeling a little frustrated with myself at the moment. I’m still dealing with similar sins to the ones I was battling ten years ago. I mean, come on Chris; get a move on… I don’t know. Some of the SSA guys are really struggling with sin or feeling lost and angry or desiring a significant other and I want to be able to say to them, ‘look it’s possible to run after God with everything and live a satisfactory and worthwhile life’ except my life isn’t a very good example for them. It’s painful to see so many SSA guys in pain and yet be kind of in the same situations even if my responses are not always the same. I don’t know; I just get frustrated. I feel that infantile behaviour is overly accepted these days in general and in our circles as well. I feel we, I, just need to man up sometimes. Trust God; obey and make the best of the situation. And stop playing ‘what if this or what if that’. If we’re going with God; let’s run. I feel like if God came to us as he does to Job we’d say ‘God that’s very harsh of you to tell me how great you are when I’m obviously in a lot of pain. You’re not a very nice person and you don’t understand my situation. You should give me what I want. I’m not going to listen to you anymore.’ These comments are not meant to be related to anyone on xanga; just a vibe..