THE past couple of days I’ve been running a short scenario that’s bringing me some pleasure. (What is to come is not necessarily a validation of the healthiness of this kind of imagining.)
It involves me being somewhere with a lot of people and yet I’m alone. Then from across the room or shopping centre or carpark comes a beautiful woman. She is blonde and thin and petite and stylish and walks gracefully. And she is my wife. While she is still some distance away I catch sight of her and I catch my breath because she is coming to me. As she gets closer my excitement to be near ‘my wife’ builds and I get a goofy smile on my face. We embrace and stay close to each other and talk intimately.
I’m not sure what it means although I think that mainly it means nothing. (Although psychoanalysing it and thinking perhaps I feel alone in the world and I want to be ‘rescued’ by a woman feels wrong.) Hopefully it’s just a nice thought about having someone special I delight in. I feel that I imagine a woman rather than a man is because I would feel wrong thinking of a man thus removing the pleasure from the scenario. I feel I would struggle to think the same way about a man though. It’s hard to delight in someone similar to me as opposed to someone who’s different.
The thing I’m most aware of in couples is these little things. The glances across rooms or the intimacy in shared understandings when people see each other again. The little conversations and going shopping together. I know, I’m a bad romantic and I’m romanticising things which for the actual couple go unnoticed or perhaps are tedious.