– I’ve been feeling a little bit awkward and odd lately. I don’t know. The Year 12s (seniors) graduated this week and one of the things they always mention is that there are some awkward moments with me. I don’t really care, I’m not a teenager who is concerned about how I’m coming across all the time and the things they find annoying At the same time; I don’t want to be the awkward guy. It just runs in my family. My dad is awkward and so am I. I can tell when he does something awkward and yet I catch myself doing the same thing. In this way it’s more like a someone who laughs a lot or something and it’s not actually caused by social anxiety or something. Sometimes my awkwardness comes from self doubt. I’m not entirely comfortable or confident in myself or what I’m saying (ie when I’m teaching something new or trying to explain something complicated and that comes out in halting sentences or odd pauses.) Dealing with teenagers just has a way of creating awkward moments (ie put your phone away! I’m adding the due date to my calendar (doubtful), uh….okay…hurry up) I don’t want to be those ridiculous teachers that insist on being firm and right all the time. I guess sometimes I just wish I was more likeable and easy going and enjoyable to be around.
– I really want to draw close to God. I feel distant and I realise I’m the one who moved and stopped praying so much and reading the word, but it’s a hard thing to get back into. I used to be so disciplined with this stuff.
– I’m going to preach at my church in 1.5 weeks. It will be on 1 Corinthians 13. The love passage… I think I’ll focus on the love that Paul is showing the church in the midst of their wanderings. I haven’t preached in years. It’s something I stopped doing when I felt like I was sinning too much and felt guilty about preaching. I’m excited to be back. Last time I preached I wasn’t a teacher yet and so it will be interesting to see how it goes now ‘teaching’ groups of people is my thing.
– I’ve got into a bad funk with masturbation. I’ve been doing it pretty regularly for a couple of months. (Only with porn a couple of times). It. Has. Got. To. Stop.
– It’s the best time of the year here. My garden looks amazing. On the weekend I had some family, and then the next day, friends over for meals. It was wonderful to sit and enjoy each other’s company. It’s also the time of the year where I’m not overwhelmed with marking. For the next four weeks I can pretty much keep my work between 8-5pm every day, which is a nice change. I just need to make it productive, which is a good challenge.
– The guy I thought might be gay from my church isn’t. I don’t think. Some of the signs were there until they weren’t and he was staring at a new girl in church off and on all sermon, haha. I don’t think I’m very good at spotting gay people and usually I don’t really care, which takes away any incentive.