It’s going to be interesting reviewing this year as my five week trip to the USA makes it seem like the actual living in Australia was a long time ago.
Studying full time again was cool. I don’t really like studying, but I like the fact that with 12 contact hours (plus 16 at school placement) there is time to do other stuff on a free Tuesday morning. I also like that I can do concentrated periods of work and then have free time later.I got good scores. Socially it finished up fine. I had friends. I had people I sat next to in classes. But I still wish I was one of those outgoing people who could go into a new situation and three months later have a good group of friends to go to lunch with. I don’t know. It makes me feel like there is something wrong with me socially because I’ve thought of what I do wrong and tried to fix it, but it hasn’t changed anything yet. This caused me a bit of pain earlier in the year. (On the flipside church went good socially, but unfortunately as Iwas so busy I didn’t have enough time to really jump in and make strongfriendships.)
It was my first time living in a city (Melbourne). I lived in a nice suburb about 8kms away from the CBD. I really liked it. I liked the bustle and the people everywhere and having to catch a train to uni. It was cool to go to concerts and sporting events and comedy shows that were half an hour away rather than 1.5 hours away. It was cool that friends and family were occasionally in the city for other reasons and came and visited me as well. But I guess the fact I’m moving back to the country for work this year shows that it wasn’t so great I was determined to spend the rest of my life there. In some respects I find the suburbs have more variety in cafes. It was kind of similar in America where the centre of Chicago was dominated by Starbucks, but in a suburb 15 minutes away I found some more independent places. The people were also slightly different to what I expected. I thought those at my church or uni would be bursting with intellectual discussion and complicated ideas, but they were pretty similar to people from the country. Though the adults were slightly younger than those in the country. At my gym there were a fair few guys in their 20s, which I doubt will be repeated in the country town.
I’m pretty excited about the place I’m going to be living in. It has cheap rent to start with. And, yeah, cheap rent, haha. It does have plenty of amenities as 20,000 people live there. Plus a huge tennis centre,which I will hopefully join and play some comp again. There should also be a good café for Saturday mornings, which I am going to try and make a habit.Church-wise; it’s likely to be so so. Finding a wife-wise it’s also likely to be so so. I guess I only plan to spend a couple of years there, and if I do well at the school I’ll be teaching at it should easily lead to a job at a good school back in the city.
Teaching itself. I don’t know. We’ll see how it goes. It’s like three months since I was last in front of a classroom, so there’s a few doubts building about how successful I’ll be, but I’m going to give it my best and work hard and make beginner’s mistakes and trust in God rather than being unhealthily enamored with any success or despondent at failure.
Right now SSA feels pretty non-consequential in my life. I see a good looking guy wearing summer clothes and I want to look, or a few lustful thoughts can run wild if I let them. But most days it doesn’t have a negative effect on me. (I guess it could be argued that the fact I’m not married or currently have the potential to pursue a woman could be seen as a negative effect and it is for sure, but I’m used to it now and am comfortable with this fact while also desiring a female companion if my feelings should change or I should meet a special woman who ignites a spark. Marriage is never a right even for straight people. I could be straight and not be able to marry for a myriad of reasons outside of my control. Life is unfair for lots of people. This is one of the ways it is unfair for me. However God is trustable and heaven is sure. I’m going to play the hand I’ve been dealt as God glorifying as possible.If the progress I/He has made with my SSA continues then that will possibly mean a wife.) There were a couple of times this year when SSA was consequential when I had strong feelings for a guy at uni and they played with my emotions for a few weeks or when I looked at porn several days in a row. (Though that was back in May and I haven’t looked in about 220 days. It’s actually been quite easy to avoid, which I would say is the fruit of a strong trust in God and a lot of emotional healing. It has also been because I was absolutely determined not to look. Sometimes I think we kid ourselves about how much we want to avoid this stuff.) I guess in a positive way SSA has been consequential because I’ve gotten to chat with and meet some really great people because Ideal with this.
I probably say this every year, but I really want to get closer to God next year. The messed routine with uni and traveling meant that I needed to make an increased effort to commune with God each day and I didn’t always rise to the challenge. When I was at work I knew exactly what time I had to get up to allow prayer/Bible reading time five days a week. I feel like I trust God a fair bit with my life. I’m comfortable with it and not overly worried about anything. I trust Him with my SSA issues and work and friends a lot more than I would have four years ago. This year I even began to trust Him more with my money as I sought to spend a bit rather than saving up everything I could for a house or a rainy day. Studying and traveling have a way of chewing through some money. But, yeah, God, I’ve got to make more effort on that one, so I have more to pour into others and a deeper level of love for Him myself.
So 2011 was a pretty great year with lots of new and interesting experiences and 2012 should be that way too!
Happy New Year guys!
Trust Him in 2012!