Model

Yesterday (Sunday) I modeled some clothes for the newspaper’s wedding exhibition. I’m not quite sure why I said ‘yes’ when I was asked if I wanted to do it. I think I was in a ‘I should try new things and have new experiences’ mood; yay, yay, yay. It was bearable, just. I went down the cat walk a few times by myself and then with a partner a few times as well, had to get changed quick and their was free food and drinkies.

 

It was kind of unstructured. I got there about 1.30pm and we all went through instructions a few times and then we did it. I’m the kind of person who would have wanted to practice it a few times, like eight or something. Especially the changing sides with my partner and the like. I think we stuffed that up a few times. Oh well. It’s a fleeting number of moments, which no-one is really going to remember in eight hours time (hopefully).

 

Even though it’s winter it’s real warm inside at the moment. My housemates (one particularly) are big fans of creating summer in winter. They have the reverse cycle set at 30 degrees Celsius and they probably let it get to about 25 degrees Celsius. I think the crazy thing is that if it was summer and it was that hot inside they’d have the air conditioner on. I don’t mind if it is pretty cold inside and I wear five layers of clothes. It’s times like these I need a housemate who is a global warming fanatic and they can obsessively turn all the heaters off.

 

At the end of last week I was really frustrated for some reason. It was just like everything was a chore and I felt tired even though I shouldn’t have been and all I wanted to do was go to bed and read a book or something. I feel a bit better now. I don’t have to work a weekend for a few weeks and so I’ll have some more rest time.

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Helpless

SO some guy I know from my
same- sex attraction support group (which for various reasons hasn’t me since November)
told me that he is looking for a boyfriend. No he hasn’t turned his back on ‘God’
or his idea of God at least. He’s spent a lot of time with God and will
continue to attempt to stay away from porn, and won’t have sex with a potential
boyfriend. At least until they get married. I didn’t really know what to say so
I asked some more questions and found out a bit more about his beliefs. I asked
him what other people had thought. He said he hadn’t told many and the person
he had told didn’t seem to agree. He then asked me what I thought.

I still didn’t know what to
say. I know what I wanted to say: “this is not right, what about all the Bible
verses, what about other people who have succeeded (or more probably fought
valiantly)?” But I doubt it would have helped so I just said “it doesn’t matter
what I think”. Though I did ask, “do you really believe, 100 per cent believe
that God wants you to have a boyfriend?” I’ll spare you his answer. Should I
have told him he was wrong? Or said I’ll always love you, but I don’t agree
with you? or whatever?

To tell you the truth I wasn’t
really surprised. He is not the kind of person who would spend hours studying
and come to believe intellectual and theological arguments about why it’s okay
to be gay and Christian. Instead he’s at the other end of the equation; someone
who is overly influenced by the self-help and God of abundance of pop-pentecostalism.
But the end result is still the same. A walking away from the truth into a
self-created sort of religion where “I create my own destiny; God works along
side.”